Wait...

Yesterday, our two week wait ended. Yesterday I wrote "you could have fooled me". But looking back, I think I wasn't fooled. My period started in the middle of the night, and by the time I was having some retail therapy in the afternoon, I was having some serious cramps. I know that for many of you (especially with endometriosis) cramps are unfortunately normal when having your period and even if you're not. For me, it's very uncommon. I remember having cramps when I first got my period at age 11, 12, but I never had them since I started taking birth control pills. And luckily, they didn't come back when I stopped 1 1/2 years ago. The only cramping I experienced was after our fresh IVF/ICSI-cycle, which ended in a chemical pregnancy. (By the way, I hate that term. To me it sounds like "make-believe" pregnancy, like it didn't really happen). The fact that I spent my evening hugging a hot water bottle (or actually a cherry pit pillow) strengthens my belief that this one did implant. I wish there was a way of knowing, but I guess it's to late to ask for a blood test and does it really matter anyway...

I waited a day to call the clinic. Don't really know why. Maybe because if I had called yesterday I would have cried to hard to be able to speak. Today was ok. My favorite nurse answered the phone (she is super sweet and we share our first name!) and she was very sympathetic. She noted in our file that I think little embryo did implant, not that it makes any difference, but still. We're going to have a telephone consult mid May to discuss the new plan, and she gave us "priority" when we start again - because it's a small clinic, it sometimes happens that too many couples want to start a cycle and you'll have to wait a month - after that you're priority, so it's never more than one month. But we'll be in as soon as we call next time.

So now we wait. And hope that my periods will align nicely with our honeymoon, so that when we come back we'll be able to start right away. That is my biggest fear - that AF will visit right before we get back, and that the next time she does, MeneerHaan will be on holiday around retrieval day (he's going with his friends for a week begin August). I know it's silly to worry about that now, because one shorter or one longer cycle could change everything.

But wait a minute...We could try and conceive naturally! MeneerHaan came up with this and he is totally right. The concept of conceiving through s-e-x is so alien to me that it never even crossed my mind. All I thought was "now we won't have a chance for at least 3 months". But that's not true. We have a chance each month. And I'm going to use that stash of OPK's!

Of course, the chances of it actually working are slim. I even think that the chance of conceiving naturally is smaller than winning the lottery.

That is why we bought a load of lottery tickets as well. Wait and see!