Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Negotiations with the universe 2

Dear Universe,

I take all of it back. Please just let my dad be fine and be a grandfather to my child some day.


Monday, April 9, 2012

The other universe

In the other universe, where we are not the "1 in 8 couples" who face infertility, I already have a child. My first that is. Maybe a second on the way. I probably would have posted ultrasound pictures on Facebook. Or better, if I am as digital on the other side as I am here, my child probably would have had a Facebookpage while still in the womb. We would have had less discussions about what our next house should be because there would be one list of demands, not two (with kid - without kid). I know how to drive there, being tired of taking public transport and cycling with child + stuff. I don't have to think about going child-infested parties, I just go. My child is around the same age as my friends' children, which leads to fun playdates where the moms and dads drink wine and watch the children play. Over there I don't feel left out or behind. I'm not so often angry at myself for being frustrated about our situation or jealous of others. I don't think as much there, I do - because there are more things to do and less time to think.

But in the other universe I have never met my wonderful online twitterfriends, who support me even they don't know me at all. And I may not know how sweet and caring my real life friends can be. Over there I probably don't know how brave I am, sticking needles in my own belly and having awfully painfull procedures done. I might take my children for granted a little bit (not really though - I'm still a good person on the other side ;-)). And maybe in the other universe, I don't realise how much I love my soon-to-be-husband because over there I haven't experienced how amazing he is taking care of me.

This universe is not so bad after all. <3

Monday, April 2, 2012

Negotiations with the universe

One week ago we found out that I wasn't pregnant (anymore?). That made me cry a lot. This morning I was almost as tearfull, because one week of letting go and eating comfort food and I've gained about everything I had lost in the past two months. I think this is very unfair. And we bought lottery tickets. Figuring that if we can't have the baby we should get the bucks. But no, not even a euro.

I need good stuff and fun things. I need to be invited for dinners and picknicks and parties. Including liberal amounts of wine. I need to have fun and laughter around me. I DO NOT need to eat cucumbers and lettuce and water. I need to cook dinner for my friends and family and buy some ridiculously expensive new equipment to prepare it with. And a new house. With a back yard.

The universe is not working properly and it needs to get it's act together. Therefor I have made a list of demands... 

Dear universe,

You have failed, again, to fix me and too many of my fellow infertiles up with a Big Fat Positive. By now, I assume it is just not in your power to make this happen. I am really a bit dissapointed, because frankly, I thought you would be up for the job.

However, I suggest compensation. Mind you, this is no pick and choose, all of the following demands must be met.

All my lovely infertile friends and me who had a BFN will:
  • have the ability to eat unlimited comfortfood for a week after a BFN and still loose a kilo (or two).
  • get an invitation to a fabulous party where no one will be pregnant or talk about children.
  • find a winning lottery ticket for at least the amount of an all inclusive IVF/ICSI/IUI/etc cycle PLUS enough to make a week long luxury trip to a tropical island with white beaches and fancy drinks with little paper umbrella's
  • have no zit's, cramps or other AF-related pains for 3 months
  • be offered business class spontaneously when flying
  • have no stressy work issues for a minimum of 2 weeks, but plenty fun distractions
  • find a bargain but excellent new house if they want to. 

Thank you very much for arranging this within a week.
Kind regards,