Hoe gaat het met de 101 doelen?

Hoe gaat het ondertussen met de 101 doelen? 

Doel 5: Aanmelden als bloeddonor

Ik heb me aangemeld, de bloedtesten gedaan. Maar nu ik in India ben geweest mag ik een jaar niet doneren. Wel plasma, dus daar moet ik me nog even in verdiepen. Toch beschouw ik deze als afgevinkt: de eerste stap is immers gezet!

Doel 40: 3 kilo afvallen

Met doel 40 gaat het niet zo goed. Er waren wat kilo's af, maar door de IVF, het emo-eten, de feestdagen en India zaten die er allemaal nu weer aan. Zelfs de Delhi-belly heeft daar niet geholpen. Toen de terugplaatsing van onze frostie niet doorging had ik nog wat extra tijd, en een paar dagen griep en wat maagproblemen hebben weer een flinke zet in de juiste richting gegegeven.

Doel 42: Een grote / wereldstad bezoeken waar ik nog niet eerder ben geweest

Delhi, met z'n ruim 22 miljoen inwoners, telt wel, toch? ;-)

Doel 67: Bespaardingen regelen die Yunoo of iemand anders adviseert

Ik heb het niet helemaal van Yunoo gehaald, maar we hebben wel wat bespaardingen geregeld. Ander telefoonabonnement, verzekeringen samengevoegd, dat soort dingen. Het scheelt nog geen honderden euro’s, maar alle beetjes helpen nietwaar? Deze beschouw ik echter nog niet als voldaan, ik denk dat er meer inzit (tips welkom hoor!).

Doel 69: 5 keer naar een theatervoorstelling gaan

Er is er een afgevinkt: ik ben naar Midzomernachtdroom van het Nationale Toneel geweest. Die kans presenteerde zichzelf, een vriendin had een kaartje over omdat, ironisch genoeg, degene met wie ze zou gaan druk was met IF-issues. One down, maar ik moet zelf ook nog wel wat voorstellingen zoeken!

Doel 99: Mijn hele werk-inbox legen

Die is leeg! In principe iedere dag, niet meegerekend afgelopen week (maar toen was ik ziek). Nu moet ik daar eerlijk bij vertellen dat ik gesmokkeld heb, want er staat nog een ‘truckload’ aan mail in de map “oude inbox”. Maar volgens mij mag dat best volgens de “elke dag je inbox leeg”- goeroe’s!

Conclusie: 

Er is op verschillende fronten wel wat gebeurd, maar het zet nog niet echt zoden aan de dijk. Tijd om eens echt aan de slag te gaan met deze doelen!

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February 18, 2012

This weekend I was going to be PUPO and happy and hopeful. The worries would come later.
How different it turned out. On Monday my dad needed to be hopitalized again. After cancer, several surgeries and almost a year of chemo, his kidney (he only has one) was not functioning properly. Being nervous for FET and with Fiancee not feeling well I didn't go to visit him.  Tuesday Fiance got genuinly sick, with high fever. My dread of going to have the FET alone soon was taken away, as the IVF-lab tech informed us that our embryo looked good at first, but didn't start to grow after it was defrosted. They gave it the benefit of the doubt but another 24 hours later (wednesdaymorning), it was a definite no. Later that day I had to tell my sister that our father was in the hospital again. We didn't tell her as she was on vacation, and she was not pleased at all we didn't inform her. Rightly so, I confess. That night I started to feel feverish, and the next day the flu got me too. But with 2 sick people in the house the one feeling "best" is the one who has to take care of the other. You guess who that was. Because of the flu and fever I couln't visit my dad and mom, who started to worry more because no diagnosis or answers had come.

What a week.

It seems like I finally mastered my yoga exercise, where you need to focus only on your breathing. If your thoughts stray, just acknowledge that, don't feel bad about it and return to your breathing. I just breathe and don't think about or feel anything. All of this happening and I refuse to take it in. Just numbness. Just breathing.

Good chance this is going to bite me in the tail. I suspect I'm inches away from a meltdown. Just one trigger and everything will come out - that's got to be ugly.

But for now, I feel like my feelings are in a page cannot be found. They are somewhere out there, but can not be reached.

Maybe an hour after I wrote this (but before I could post it), a silly fight with Fiance was the trigger and despite my efforts not to give in, the meltdown came. I didn't get all off my chest, but a lot and indeed it was ugly. We both yelled a bit (never done that before) and slammed a door or two and after that, we had a good and emotional talk. It was good to let some of it out.

It's a few weeks later now and my head and heart have not yet fully recovered. But that's for another post.

The thaw sets in

While almost everyone in The Netherlands was concerned with the ice in Friesland (Elfstedentocht or not), I have been worrying about another frost-related subject. Our little frozen bubbles to be specific.

After the Tiny Little Positive and the BFN came the obligated one month waiting period to let my body (and my heart) heal. Next AF arrived on the first day of the year. 6 Days later we traveled to India for a vacation with parents and brother and sister-in-law. Those two weeks were... interesting to say the least. But that's a story for another time. Vacation also meant having to wait another month.

But lucky for us AF decided to come early on her next visit, at least 5 days earlier than I expected. Clinic called, appointment for ultrasound scheduled for Monday last week. All looked good, lining was thickening, one nice sized follicle in the left ovary... we were good to go! Thus commenced a new part of this infertility journey: OPK's. Also known as Ovulation Prediction Kits. Geeezz. The instructions were not all that clear to me. Use 2nd urine of the morning (said clinic's instruction).  Don't pee for 4 hours before testing (said OPK-instruction). Don't drink too much (said Dr. Google). This might prove to be more difficult than the shots!
After some worrying (most of it unnecessary - as usual) and even minor arguments with MeneerHaan because of stress, we finally got the needed double line, so I could call the lab.

And thus the thaw sets in. Not just outside - where I did enjoy the cold for many reasons, among which that I could wear the earmuffs MeneerHaan got me for Christmas. But thaw sets in the lab in the clinic where our 4 frosties sleep. They will thaw one, check if it's ok, and if so, it will warm up and be good for transfer. If it is broken, they will unfreeze the next one. So we'll have 4 chances, although I hope we don't need them. And I do hope that after being out of the freezer for 24 hours, frosty is still looking good (cause if he isn't, transfer is cancelled).

We're facing our next chance at becoming pregnant. I'm scared, excited, completely unprepared, insecure and hopeful. Let's go for it!